Then the host, Kirk Fogg, came in to say hello to us all. I was going to have that goddamned trip to space camp, even if I had to step over Brandy's dead, mangled body to get it.

I realized that I was going to have to carry this team because I wanted to win. She was nice enough, but she was very spindly. I was introduced to my partner, a 13-year-old girl named Brandy. I got there at 9:00am and was put into a room with all the other kids while my parents went off to sign some waivers.

I was going to be on Legends of the Fucking Hidden Temple! I told everybody: all my cousins, everyone at my school, even that weird guy who always parked outside the school playground and tried to talk us into getting in his van. When I found out that I was going to be a contestant I was ecstatic. After auditioning a couple months before, I'd almost forgotten about the show. It was a summer I'd never forget and an event from which I would never recover. Legends of the Hidden Temple Ruined My Life I was ostracized by my peers, all because I failed to defeat Kirk Fogg.

Legends of the hidden temple shirts